I can say it now, but couldn't for the 30 years I was clinging to the way things should be, or the way they should have acted, or how they should have been enlightened by my perfect retort. If I couldn't change my mental entanglement, think how much harder it is for them to change, who have, I assume, less understanding of the pain they are causing others. The only thing that seemed to work for me was old age and forgetfulness. No, really, it was letting go of the future I wanted and learning to find peace in the futures that were left. No guarantee I'll get one of those, either. Yes, I have regrets, but they are another form of clinging and unproductive. I tend towards enjoying the moment, whether it is going out on a lark or spending the day doing nothing useful. I beat myself up less now.
In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. ~ Albert Camus
So as I snuggled into bed last night and closed my eyes my mind started eating at me again, but remembering all of this, instead of dwelling on what I 'should' have said, instead I thought to myself okay, it's not like this kind of misunderstanding won't ever happen again. Let's say, how should I consider changing my own reactions next time?
Can I, perhaps, clearly state that I feel there has been a very bad misunderstanding instead of simply trying to clarify my words? Can I take more time to make that initial reply so that the other person, also, has more time to calm down? Can I decide not to engage right off the bat?
I mean, yes of course. I can do all these things. I am literally the only person I can control, and I can make different choices next time.
It felt far more productive and far less negative to focus on potential future betterment than dwell on past mistakes. I slept really well
The dumbest thing I've ever bought
was a 2020 planner.
"Does anyone ever think about Denethor, the guy driven to madness by staying up late into the night alone in the dark staring at a flickering device he believed revealed unvarnished truth about the outside word, but which in fact showed mostly manipulated media created by a hostile power committed to portraying nothing but bad news framed in the worst possible way in order to sap hope, courage, and the will to go on? Seems like he's someone we should think about." - Dave_LF
I'm glad you are able to move past the incident. It is 100% true that we can only control our own actions.
When I was teaching my son to drive, I always told him to drive his own car. Other drivers may be distracted or rude or whatever, but I can't hit the brakes for them. Yeah, I saw what that idiot just did, watch the road.
On the other hand, even the best driver can get into an accident if someone else runs a red light.
If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.
"Spirits in the shape of hawks and eagles flew ever to and from his halls; and their eyes could see to the depths of the seas, and pierce the hidden caverns beneath the world."
I'm suddenly reminded of that article discussion how some Inuit teach their children how to deal with anger by 'practicing' when they aren't angry. Maybe when we get stuck on something like this it isn't a self-punishment so much as a chance to practice for next time.
Y'all are so awesome, y'know that?
The dumbest thing I've ever bought
was a 2020 planner.
"Does anyone ever think about Denethor, the guy driven to madness by staying up late into the night alone in the dark staring at a flickering device he believed revealed unvarnished truth about the outside word, but which in fact showed mostly manipulated media created by a hostile power committed to portraying nothing but bad news framed in the worst possible way in order to sap hope, courage, and the will to go on? Seems like he's someone we should think about." - Dave_LF
87053229_1524624711022980_3327266608220471296_n.jpg (49.52 KiB) Viewed 20036 times
Obviously it's meant to be a joke, but did get me thinking about how at times we can be taught something but our take-away is vastly out of step with what was being taught!
The dumbest thing I've ever bought
was a 2020 planner.
"Does anyone ever think about Denethor, the guy driven to madness by staying up late into the night alone in the dark staring at a flickering device he believed revealed unvarnished truth about the outside word, but which in fact showed mostly manipulated media created by a hostile power committed to portraying nothing but bad news framed in the worst possible way in order to sap hope, courage, and the will to go on? Seems like he's someone we should think about." - Dave_LF
elengil wrote:
Obviously it's meant to be a joke, but did get me thinking about how at times we can be taught something but our take-away is vastly out of step with what was being taught!
Oh so true.
The Buddha quote reminds me of a conversation regarding forgiveness I had years ago with Storyteller on the old TORc boards. We had differing views on the subject.
Interpretation can be difficult for or from the wisest of folk, as Tolkien knew.
This brings to mind an old TV show with David Carradine (Kung Fu). Many of the aphorisms used in the show were taken from the Tao Te Ching which had a Daoist/Taoist philosophy.
Wikipedia wrote:The Tao Te Ching is written in Classical Chinese, which poses a number of challenges to complete comprehension. As Holmes Welch notes, the written language "has no active or passive, no singular or plural, no case, no person, no tense, no mood."[32] Moreover, the received text lacks many grammatical particles which are preserved in the older Mawangdui and Beida texts, which permit the text to be more precise.[33] Lastly, many passages of the Tao Te Ching are deliberately vague and ambiguous.
Since there are no punctuation marks in Classical Chinese, it can be difficult to conclusively determine where one sentence ends and the next begins. Moving a full-stop a few words forward or back or inserting a comma can profoundly alter the meaning of many passages, and such divisions and meanings must be determined by the translator. Some editors and translators argue that the received text is so corrupted (from originally being written on one-line bamboo strips linked with silk threads) that it is impossible to understand some chapters without moving sequences of characters from one place to another.
I believe some of what V has discussed here perhaps comes from that tradition because a brief reading of some of its principles discuss duality, ex.: 'Once we know beauty, we know ugliness. ' the not being able to know one without the other.
All this kind of goes to the ability of two people to witness the exact same thing and yet somehow witness something completely different.
The dumbest thing I've ever bought
was a 2020 planner.
"Does anyone ever think about Denethor, the guy driven to madness by staying up late into the night alone in the dark staring at a flickering device he believed revealed unvarnished truth about the outside word, but which in fact showed mostly manipulated media created by a hostile power committed to portraying nothing but bad news framed in the worst possible way in order to sap hope, courage, and the will to go on? Seems like he's someone we should think about." - Dave_LF
Someone asked me, "Aren't you worried about the state of the world?" I allowed myself to breathe and then I said, "What is most important is not to allow your anxiety about what happens in the world to fill your heart. If your heart is filled with anxiety, you will get sick, and you will not be able to help." ...Anxiety is the illness of our age. We worry about ourselves, our family, our friends, our work, and the state of the world. If we allow worry to fill our hearts, sooner or later we will get sick.
- Thich Nhat Hanh
"Spirits in the shape of hawks and eagles flew ever to and from his halls; and their eyes could see to the depths of the seas, and pierce the hidden caverns beneath the world."
When I was about 22, I'd drive past a particular wall on my way to work on which someone had graffiti'd the words: "He not busy being born is busy dying."
It struck me powerfully the first time I saw it and over the 12 months I drove past it every working day, it pressed more deeply and indelibly onto my consciousness.
There's nothing particularly original about the sentiment. "Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die/tomorrow is not promised", has its roots in the biblical passage after all.
But there was something about that specific and concise choice of words that pierced me. For years and years, I felt it as a profoundly significant and sobering message.
And yet, I have to acknowledge, with all the benefit of hindsight, that I did not, I have not, lived my life with the kind of total focus that implies. I did not grab life. I did not throw myself into living. If anything, I have experienced each day waiting for the other shoe to drop.
It's like, instead of focussing on the living of life, I've carried the reminder of death at my shoulder, whispering and throwing a shadow on every prospect with: "It won't last."
Does it strain credulity to blame it all on a piece of graffiti I saw 35 years ago?
"He not busy being born is busy dying."
Now, today, with the benefit of hindsight, I see that I completely misunderstood the message. It was not a motto to live by; it was a warning: "Wrong way! Go back!"
The fact is, death comes all on its own. We don't need to be busy about it. We need to be busy living.
Yes, it's the flipside of the same coin, but the difference in perspective is everything. Accepting one's mortality does not mean dancing with it daily.
I've seen life as the glass half empty, each day leaching away the life left in it. It's a state of mind that tends to provoke anxiety and a miserly attitude towards carefully regulating what's left in the glass.
If you're not busy being born, get busy living! I wish I'd read that on the wall instead.
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Mornings wouldn't suck so badly if they came later in the day.
The Asian Art Museum, in partnership with Dr. Ravi Chandra, presents this workshop to focus on loving kindness and compassion meditations in order to build resilience and prevent burnout. Self-compassion boosts resilience, prevents burnout, and reduces depression and anxiety. Compassion, among other benefits, boosts the immune system and helps us build better relationships with ourselves and others during times of difficulty.
ETA: the cost is $5.
Last edited by Frelga on Tue Apr 14, 2020 4:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.
"Spirits in the shape of hawks and eagles flew ever to and from his halls; and their eyes could see to the depths of the seas, and pierce the hidden caverns beneath the world."
I know that anyone can make a claim, but I would be interested in seeing how such a class turned out.
The dumbest thing I've ever bought
was a 2020 planner.
"Does anyone ever think about Denethor, the guy driven to madness by staying up late into the night alone in the dark staring at a flickering device he believed revealed unvarnished truth about the outside word, but which in fact showed mostly manipulated media created by a hostile power committed to portraying nothing but bad news framed in the worst possible way in order to sap hope, courage, and the will to go on? Seems like he's someone we should think about." - Dave_LF
Sometimes I have to remind myself that just because something awesome exists doesn't mean it's a good fit for everyone.
The dumbest thing I've ever bought
was a 2020 planner.
"Does anyone ever think about Denethor, the guy driven to madness by staying up late into the night alone in the dark staring at a flickering device he believed revealed unvarnished truth about the outside word, but which in fact showed mostly manipulated media created by a hostile power committed to portraying nothing but bad news framed in the worst possible way in order to sap hope, courage, and the will to go on? Seems like he's someone we should think about." - Dave_LF
No, really, it was letting go of the future I wanted and learning to find peace in the futures that were left. No guarantee I'll get one of those, either. Yes, I have regrets, but they are another form of clinging and unproductive. I tend towards enjoying the moment, whether it is going out on a lark or spending the day doing nothing useful. I beat myself up less now.
