narya wrote:MithLuin wrote:I think if you ferret out root causes, they tend to come down to issues of respecting other people as...people - who are people beyond what they can do to and for us. Choosing to ignore that causes all sorts of problems, and yes...tends to result in immoral actions.
You wouldn't believe how many mothers there were on the first message board I ever belonged to, who beat their children regularly because they didn't want to "spare the rod and spoil the child". They honestly thought they were doing the right, moral, loving, respectful thing to their kids. They were not motivated by the same thing as the parent who comes home drunk and beats kids for being too loud. But it was probably just as damaging to the kids.
People who employ corporal punishment because they love their kids and want to give them clear consequences for bad actions are doing something
very different from parents who come home drunk and beat their kids because they are noisy. The parents who are attempting to discipline their children are not out-of-control angry when they do it, and (trust me) that makes a difference. If the punishment is severe enough to leave scars or other more permanent marks, obviously we're not talking about the same thing.
Hey, plenty of parents discipline their kids without smacking them, so I'm not saying that's necessary by any means. Depends on the kid and the parent and other situations (some kids have more that can be taken away than others). I'm just saying that a kid who gets a spanking as a clear consequence for what they have done recognizes the punishment as punishment. A kid who gets beaten because of the adult's issues
thinks they must have done something wrong to make Mommy or Daddy angry, but is very confused as to what that might have been. Very different result. I probably don't have to point out that someone who is drunk is less likely to moderate their behavior, thus resulting in more severe beatings that would never be appropriate.
But the fact remains that in our society, it is illegal to
beat your kid, in a way that would involve a trip to the hospital or that sort of thing. I seriously doubt that many of those parents at that messageboard were...doing anything like that. They were (hopefully) just smacking their kids when they acted up. Certainly that's something that some people would not want to do, but it's not the same thing, either.
And on that note, St. Anselm of Bec wrote a letter to some monks chastising them for beating students regularly. In the 11th century. Awareness that it is wrong to beat kids is not strictly a modern phenomena, though you could argue that the sentiment is more widespread now.