Clerihews

[Inanna]

on the board we have Narya
Who is also called Laureanna
She had me earlier confused
But now it is all in light suffused

[MithLuin]

OK, let's see you do a couplet with Frodo and each of those words.

So you really do want to hear the entire story of LotR in Clerihews, don't you? I see you've already begun, great


Now sing thee of Frodo Ringbearer,
Who valiantly fought the great Terror
Without and within, he battled the Ring.
And finally in Mordor got rid of the thing.

When evening in the Shire was grey, Gandalf
came to visit his old friend Bilbo, who was off
with some dwarves as soon as his birthday was done
and his nephew (really, cousin) Frodo of age had come.

Bilbo left all of his things to Frodo,
which the Sackville-Bagginses didn't think quite apropos.
They wanted to be his heirs,
or at least get the silver, featherbeds and armchairs.

So the poor (wealthy?) orphan lad Frodo
was left all alone and feeling rather low.
But his gardner Sam, and his friends Merry, Pippin, Fatty and Folco
Did their best to cheer him up (they even made gazpacho).

Still, one night in April who should appear but Gandalf,
Who in foreign lands had learned quite enough
to disturb the stoutest heart, and he scared poor Frodo,
when he found that Bilbo's ring, after being in the fire, did glow.

"I cannot read the fiery letters," said Frodo,
his voice quavering. "No,
but I can," answered the old wizard.
(I forgot to mention it, but Gandalf is a wizard).

"In the common tongue, it says: 'One Ring
to rule them all' - this is an awful thing.
It means this Ring belongs to the Dark Lord,
who dwells in Mordor, rather bored."

"But if he finds you've got it, Frodo,
I'm afraid he'll come for it, pronto."
Frodo's feet felt like dough,
but he decided he would fight this foe.

So he gathered up his things, and his gardner Sam,
(who becomes rather important later on, so don't forget about him),
and pretended to move to another part of the Shire.
A rather silly plan, but it was made under the wire.

At Crickhollow, everything had been arranged by Merry,
who proved quite helpful in getting them across Buckleberry Ferry.
Merry and Pippin (and don't forget Fatty) told Frodo his secret, wasn't.
But that they thought a walk in the Old Forest would be pleasant.

(Yes, I've left out Gildor and Farmer Maggot, but I won't forget Tom Bombadillo)
Soon, the friends were trapped by Old Man Willow,
so Frodo shouted "Help!" and who should appear,
but a man in a bright blue jacket bringing waterlillies near.

This merry fellow, Tom Bombadil
stomping in his yellow boots, took care of that tree (but he didn't kill
it!) and invited them to dinner.
The hobbits all agreed that Goldberry's cooking was the winner.

After some rainy day chats, they were back on their way, but Frodo's pony
ran off when he tried to ride between some outcroppings stony
He soon found himself in a Barrow with a bony hand creeping towards him.
To use the Ring would be to go out on a limb.

So Frodo
called "Ho, ho
Tom Bombadil, for our need is near us."
And so Tom came back and banished the wight without much fuss.

Following Tom's directions to the Inn at Bree, Frodo told his friends, call me "Mr. Underhill"
A clever ruse, but it didn't fool old Bill.
Ferny let it slip to a Black Rider
And they would have been toast if it weren't for Strider.

Frodo decided the stranger looked foul but felt fair, so they followed Strider
into the Wild, where things went okay, until Frodo was stabbed by the aforementioned Black Rider.
In an attempt to save the wounded Frodo,
they beat a path to Rivendell, built by Elrond long ago.

Strider was happy to see the friendly face of Glorfindel,
but even his elven horse Asfaloth was no match for those Riders fell.
Luckily at the Ford,
the Riders were washed away of one accord.

Thus ends Book 1

Still to come:
adagio, aglow, although, below, bestow, comme il faut, crow, death throe, flow, in flagrante delicto, know, overthrow, plateau, rainbow, rondeau, undergo, Velcro, vertigo, Van Gogh, woe, and yo-yo.
Je ne parle pas français. Je ne comprende pas les mots. J'aime le gateau .

[Alatar]

[MithLuin]

The Ring Goes South

"Wake up, Frodo, it's me, Gandalf the Grey."
"Gandalf! Why did you delay?"
"I am sorry, Frodo, I had wizard troubles,
but now you are in Rivendell, where troubles disappear like bubbles."

And so Frodo awoke in the Last Homely House,
where you will find not even an evil mouse.
After feasts and poetry, and a long talk with Bilbo,
They went to a Council, to plot the Dark Lord's overthrow.

There they met a stranger from the South, brave Boromir,
who recounted the dream (and deeds) of himself and his brother Faramir.
And Gimli, son of Gloin, remained respectfully silent and could only gape
while Legolas apologized for Gollum's escape.

But the young hobbits were surprised when Strider
revealed the Blade That Was Broken declared him Heir of Isildur.
Elrond recounted a long history spanning many a year,
but everyone fell quiet when he asked for a volunteer

To take the Ring to Mordor. Only Frodo
looked up and said, "Though the way I do not know,
the Ring I will take to destroy.
Then the Shire will have peace and joy."

So the Nine Walkers set out, that Fellowship,
that has spawned many a comment about the nature of the male relationship.
First the Mountains they tried to cross,
but when they were snowed out, in the Mines of Moria they got lost.

On the bridge stood Gandalf,
knowing he would share the fate of a Silmarillion elf.
"Fly, you fools!" The Balrog's whip
did not cut off his final quip.

Balin's tomb and Gandalf's fall
cast over the group such a pall.
"Let's go to Lothlórien," said Aragorn.
"The trees there are much lovelier than Fangorn."

Lothlórien did prove to be quite lovely, but Galadriel,
the Lady of the Wood, had such clear water in her well,
you could see the future - or the past -
it wasn't always clear. But she knew what Frodo saw last.

"You are the Ringbearer, Frodo,
and your quest will bring to the elves much woe.
But que sera, sera. Now go."
"Good," said Sam, "these trees were giving me vertigo."

But when he found out they were taking boats, he said, "My Uncle Andy
with rope is quite handy,
but I never heard tell of a hobbit who took to a boat."
"We Brandybucks," said Merry, "all float."

His remaining companions accompanied Frodo,
and the elves on them gifts did bestow.
Sheaths and belts, a light, a box of dirt.
And cloaks to hide even Frodo's mithril shirt.

They braved the River Anduin
But it seemed the orcs knew in
advance where they would be;
Gollum proved a spy they could not see.

They stopped at Amon Hen, for the deliberation of Frodo.
He could go to Minas Tirith, go with the flow,
and see the home of Boromir
Or go to Mordor, that land of dread and fear.

While he wrestled with his fear, Boromir
came to offer him advice, but with a leer,
lunged at him to steal the Ring instead!
Frodo knew he'd lost his head.

With the Ring on his finger, Frodo
was invisible, and he could look out on the land below.
He did not want to play "Eye Spy", so he screwed his courage up
And left all by himself. But he could not shake Sam, who followed him like a loyal pup.

Thus ends Part 1

Meanwhile, the orcs attacked, and Aragorn
rushed to help when he heard Boromir's horn.
But he was too late.
Boromir died; his spirit did not wait.




Looking for a home for:
adagio, aglow, although, comme il faut, crow, death throe, in flagrante delicto, plateau, rainbow, rondeau, undergo, Velcro, Van Gogh, and yo-yo.

(What you don't realize, Alatar, is that the poetry is really atrocious. I'm going for volume, not quality, here )

[Inanna]

Mith.... And

[narya]

Put this in the epilogue

For many long years we each read of Frodo
And his brave adventure that was comme il faut*
We suffered alone as we saw how he fared
None of us knowing our passion was shared.

Then came the movies and fanclubs and boards
Tolkienites out of the woodwork in hoards
Swooners and riffraff and spammers oh my!
All of them wanting a piece of the guy.

All the fangirls sighed over Frodo,
Imagining scenes in flagrante delicto.**
Alas for them it was not to be.
He sailed away solo in Movie #3.

Now we are left with an image of Frodo,
Young and dewy eyed, and not pushing five-oh.
With great constitution we banish this scene,
And go back to the text, as laid out by Tolkien.

Now sing we of Book Frodo, Ringbearer wise,
Who valiantly fought for the Enemy's demise.
Without and within, he battled the Ring.
And finally in Mordor got rid of the thing.

*proper
** while the crime (of passion) is blazing

[Alatar]

Mith, what you don't realise is that I do realise that.

Its still brilliant.

[WampusCat]

Swooners and riffraff and spammers oh my!